she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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