Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
