My liver just broke up with me...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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