a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My vagina is officially offended.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
