So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
