Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Girls should come with a carfax report
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
