Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
