I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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