It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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