i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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