so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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