The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
