Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
