enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm passing your future prison.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
