this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
