no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
