Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
