Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
