i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
