My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
