The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
