Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
