I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
