You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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