did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
