Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
