Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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