I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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