I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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