i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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