thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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