I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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