can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
