My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
