Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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