I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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