Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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