I got chris browned last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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