my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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