you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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