Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
