new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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