new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
