If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize