I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
