Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
