whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
