would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
