why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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