yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
