I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm having to shit out rocks
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
