I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
