that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
