i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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