he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the day after is always just damage control
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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