I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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