considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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