if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
