How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
