he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
