and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
