so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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