Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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