I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
